About 3 months ago something suddenly dawned on me. Work was getting me down, for one reason or another, and I realized something that I had forgotten long ago: I AM BETTER THAN THIS PLACE. My realization didn't come from a place of ego or fantasy, I honestly felt it and still do. I have produced 3 projects, including one feature film that have screened at Sundance. I have been instrumental in numerous other film projects some of which have played at other festivals. I have written and/or produced and/or edited commercials that have aired across the country. I have been praised for my editing, my writing, I've even been praised as an actor! So, with all due respect I really feel like, yes, I AM BETTER THAN THIS PLACE. Somehow what was supposed to be a temporary job became more permanent, and more importantly somehow I was letting other people, other less talented people, dictate my life, how I felt and what I thought.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I decided to start the P90 program. I realised not only was I better than my job, I was better than my life. I was better than sleeping 12 hours a day, I was better than drinking 3 cans of soda a day, I was better than McDonald's and Jack In The Box and all the other crap I ate everyday. I WAS BETTER THAN THIS. I wanted better and I deserved better.
And so my journey began. But a better job and better life won't be handed to me. Wanting it and deserving it are very different from earning it and achieving it. So, everyday I recommit myself to earning a better job (by going back to school, by increasing my skillset) and achieving a better life (by eating better and exercising). In that sense the hardest part has been achieved- the victory over self, over my own doubts and fears, and over my (false) beliefs in my limitations. NO LONGER WILL I ALLOW OTHERS TO DICTATE HOW I FEEL!
3 weeks down, 10 weeks to go... FUCK YEAH!
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